Sunday, September 23, 2007

Top 10 Modern Differences Between Progressives and Conservatives

The Top 10 Modern Differences Between Progressives and Conservatives:

Number 10
  • Progressives want to improve America for everyone.
  • Conservatives believe America is #1; improvement is impossible by definition.

    Number 9
  • Progressives believe in facts.
  • Conservatives believe that anything that does not explicitly favor them is biased against them.

    Number 8
  • Conservatives would rather die than have gay soldiers help win the wars they start.
  • Progressives would let any qualified citizen serve in the military, but would rather not start wars.

    Number 7
  • Progressives manipulate language to elucidate their own opinions.
  • Conservatives manipulate language to distort progressives' opinions.

    Number 6
  • Progressives dislike hypocrisy.
  • Conservatives dislike Progressives' hypocrisy.

    Number 5
  • Progressives believe that protecting life means protecting people who are alive.
  • Conservatives believe that protecting life means protecting people who are in hopeless vegetative states, microscopic cells, flags, virginity and ignorance.

    Number 4
  • Progressives criticize the media because they don't like how it behaves.
  • Conservatives criticize the media because they don't like that it exists.

    Number 3
  • Progressives believe that everyone is entitled to the pursuit of happiness.
  • Conservatives believe that everyone is entitled to the pursuit of happiness except women, minorities, gays, atheists, Muslims, pot smokers, immigrants, foreigners, the impoverished and the Clintons.

    Number 2
  • Conservatives believe that 9/11 "changed everything," so we must do anything not let the terrorists win.
  • Progressives believe that convincing ourselves that 9/11 changed anything lets the terrorists win.

    And, the Number 1 Modern Difference Between Progressives and Conservatives
  • Progressives believe that "we are all in it together."
  • Conservatives believe that "you are on your own."
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