Shorter Health Care Debate

Found here:

Democrats: "We need health care reform"

Republicans: "Liberal fascists! Give us a majority and we'll do it better"

Democrats: "Done, you have majority of both houses"

12 years later, health care is irrefutably worse in every respect for every single person in the United States

Democrats: "We need health care reform"

Republicans: "Liberal fascists! Americans are tired of partisan politics!"

Democrats: "OK, let's compromise"

Republicans: "OK, get rid of half your ideas"

Democrats: "Done"

Republicans: "Too liberal, get rid of half your ideas"

Democrats: "Done"

Republicans: "Too liberal, get rid of half your ideas"

Democrats: "Done"

Republicans: "Too liberal, get rid of half your ideas"

Democrats: "Done"

Republicans: "Too liberal, get rid of half your ideas"

Democrats: "Done. Time to end debate"

Republicans: "Too liberal, we need more debate, we will filibuster to prevent you from voting"

Democrats: "OK, we'll vote--sorry guys, debate is ended. It's time to vote on the bill"

Republicans: "Too liberal, we vote no"

Democrats: "OK, it passed anyway--sorry guys."

One month later

Republicans: "Wait--wait, OK, we have less of a minority now so we can filibuster forever."

Democrats: "Sorry, the bill already passed, we need it to pass the House now"

Republicans: "But we have enough to filibuster"

Democrats: "Sorry, the bill already passed, we need it to pass the House now"

Republicans: "Liberal fascists! You haven't listened to our ideas! You've shut us out of this whole process!"

Democrats: "Sorry, show us your proposal"

Republicans: "Smaller government"

Democrats: "That's not very specific"

Republicans: "OK, here's our detailed proposal--It's our common-sense ideas we spent 12 years not enacting"

Democrats: "OK, we'll add a bunch more of your ideas"

Republicans: "Liberal fascists! You included all these back-room deals"

Democrats: "OK, we'll get rid of the back-room deals"

Republicans: "Liberal fascists! You're using obscure procedural tricks to eliminate the back-room deals!"

Democrats: "No, we're using reconciliation, which both parties have used dozens of times for much larger bills"

Republicans: "Liberal fascists! You're pressuring Congressmen to vote for your bill! Scandal!"

Democrats: "It's called 'whipping', it's been done since 1789"

Republicans: "Liberal fascists! Can't you see the American people don't want this?"

Democrats: "This bill is mildly unpopular (40-50%), doing nothing (your proposal) is extraordinarily unpopular (4-6%)"

Republicans: "We need to start over! We need to start over!"

Democrats: "We should really consider voting--"

Republicans: "Liberal fascists! Start over! Clean slate! Common-sense! America!"