Top 10 Modern Differences Between Progressives and Conservatives

The Top 10 Modern Differences Between Progressives and Conservatives:

Number 10

Progressives want to improve America for everyone.

Conservatives believe America is #1; improvement is impossible by definition.

Number 9

Progressives believe in facts.

Conservatives believe that anything that does not explicitly favor them is biased against them.

Number 8

Conservatives would rather die than have gay soldiers help win the wars they start.

Progressives would let any qualified citizen serve in the military, but would rather not start wars.

Number 7

Progressives manipulate language to elucidate their own opinions.

Conservatives manipulate language to distort progressives' opinions.

Number 6

Progressives dislike hypocrisy.

Conservatives dislike Progressives' hypocrisy.

Number 5

Progressives believe that protecting life means protecting people who are alive.

Conservatives believe that protecting life means protecting people who are in hopeless vegetative states, microscopic cells, flags, virginity and ignorance.

Number 4

Progressives criticize the media because they don't like how it behaves.

Conservatives criticize the media because they don't like that it exists.

Number 3

Progressives believe that everyone is entitled to the pursuit of happiness.

Conservatives believe that everyone is entitled to the pursuit of happiness except women, minorities, gays, atheists, Muslims, pot smokers, immigrants, foreigners, the impoverished and the Clintons.

Number 2

Conservatives believe that 9/11 "changed everything," so we must do anything not let the terrorists win.

Progressives believe that convincing ourselves that 9/11 changed anything lets the terrorists win.

And, the Number 1 Modern Difference Between Progressives and Conservatives

Progressives believe that "we are all in it together."

Conservatives believe that "you are on your own."